Meme of the Day

Pizza

I'm sorry you've had to wait all this time for a new post but I have been very busy "makin that paper" as the chimps might say. On thursday the 28th of July if I remember correctly me and my young colleague Butty decided to whip up a little za. We went to Kroger and picked up a few ingredients we needed and went back to dickys house to make it. I will admit dicky did a good amount of the cooking while i watched tv and the za did turn out alright but I was really disappointed in his work ethic. As I sat eatin my za and watching tv and butty washed the dishes I wondered how he had turned out so lazy. besides my car breaking down and dick's laziness it was a pretty good day...

Meme of the Day

Meme of the Day

Meme of the Day

GordoVille slideshow 1 - slideshow with music

Cookout at the Chill-Villa



Most stereotypical picture I've ever taken.



GordoBitties

Today, on this beautiful Friday night, me and my colleague decided to head down to the Villa and put in some work on the grill. We decided on our usual Butcher Ribeyes, about 1.2 lb. each, and this time, the steaks were grilled to absolute perfection; perfect grill marks, beautiful fat render, and a warm, pink center. I decided to make our grill sesh a cookout, and invited a few good friends for a GordoVille Cookout: Jess and her friends Morgan and Kelley from Cheese country. Ofcourse the girls we invited ate hotdogs, and knew alot better than to ask for some steak. Anyway, I digress, the steaks and dogs were on point, except for.....Ahhh this is hard to admit..... I let 4 of the dogs roll off the grill. Now mind you the grill was broken and slanted, but still, a good craftsman never blames his tools. As we hopped into my private pool, the water was a crisp, cool temperature that contrasted nicely with the heat of the day, and that washed over our sense of first impressions. However, me and young J got a little bored when the girls decided to keep their heads above water, so that Jess could keep her fro from coming to life. Anyway, the cookout came to a nice close, with Kelley having trouble opening the door for the 4th time. It was a chill grill sesh, and it'll soon be repeated.


The Trademark Steak-Toast




1.2lb. Ribeyes

 

The Constitution.

The Constitution of the United Nation of GordoVille

We the Gordos of GordoVille, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure carnivorous Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Food to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United Nation of GordoVille.

All legislative Powers herein granted shall be vested in a Congress of GordoVille, which shall consist of a Senate and House of Representatives.

No Person shall be a Representative who shall not have attained to the status of twenty five Wings, and been seven Months a Gordo of the United Nation of GordoVille, and who shall not, when elected, be an Inhabitant of that Nation in which he shall be chosen.

When vacancies happen in the Representation from any Sector , the Executive Gordos thereof shall issue Writs of Election to fill such Vacancies.
The House of Representatives shall choose their Speaker and other Officers; and shall have the sole Power of Impeachment.
No person shall be a Senator who shall not have attained to the Status of Thirty Wings, and been nine Months a Gordo of GordoVille, and who shall not, when elected, be an Inhabitant of that sector for which he shall be chosen.
The Vice President of GordoVille shall be President of the Senate, but shall have no Vote, unless they are equally divided.

The Congress shall have Power To lay and collect Taxes, Duties, Imposts and Excises, to pay the Debts and provide for the common

Defence and general Welfare of GordoVille; but all Duties, Imposts and Excises shall be uniform throughout GordoVille.

The executive Power shall be vested in The Presidents of GordoVille. They shall hold this Office during the Term of four Years, and, together with the Vice-President chosen for the same Term, be elected, as follows:

Each State shall appoint, in such Manner as the Legislature thereof may direct, a Number of Electors, equal to the whole Number of Senators and Representatives to which the Sector may be entitled in the Congress: but no Senator or Representative, or Gordo holding an Office of Trust or Profit under GordoVille, shall be appointed an Elector.

The President, Vice President and all civil Officers of GordoVille, shall be removed from Office on Impeachment for, and Conviction of, Fullness, Bitchery, or other high Crimes and Misdemeanors.

Kebobs at the Villa

On Friday the 8th, me and my colleague decided that we'd splurge a little, and do some grillin. As my broke down, triflin colleague came into my house, however, I almost decided to call the grill sesh off. This black mother fucker tracked mud all over my carpet, and proceeded to sit his fat, broke ass down on my couch while he watched me clean it up. Anywho, We didn't feel like buying steaks again, so we decided to raid my kitchen for some chicken. At first, I was a little hot under the collar, when young Leroy asked what marinade I was going to use, because I was fresh out of my favorite one. However, using my Flamemast0r skills, I casually whipped up a spice rub that was incomporable to even the best in the industry. Comprising mainly of lemon pepper seasoning, this tantalizing rub made the partially frozen chicken quite the treat. As we walked down to my private pool house, we saw the grills open and ready for gordo action. I plopped the kebobs on the barbie, right as lil Jakey proceeded to point out what he called a "good deal." What he called "a fine ass bitch" was nothing more than a common trailer trash hoe wearing a one piece with dreadful hair extensions and fake nails. As I tried to convince young scooty that he'd lost his damn mind, the poor old fellow started to tear up. So i gave him a taste of grill squash, and miraculously his little bitch tears dried up. In conclusion, me and little juice had quite a time grilling that Friday, and will be continuing the practice this Friday, in celebration of me graduating. Don't worry Scoot0r, with government programs like no child left behind, you'll be sure to graduate too!

Meme of the Day

Meme of the Day

4th of July Grilling

On the day of our nations birth me and my colleague young Dicky decided to grill a couple of ribeyes.  We went to Giant looking for some good steaks and were thoroughly underwhelmed by the selection but then we went over to the butcher section and saw some beautiful thick ribeye steaks and asked for 2 one pounders.  As the lady behind the counter started to weigh the steaks we slowly realized the bitch actually wanted to be smacked she tried to hit us with the "I don't know if we have any that size" and all I could think is this stupid bitches job is to cut meat she better just trim some down.  Once we got back to the villa and went down to the pool we saw the only open grill was right next to some chimpanzees and we knew it was gonna be awkward but we had to go for it.  This was one of the most stereotypical coon get togethers I've ever witnessed they had crappy burgers and a bunch of watermelon with some food lion brand grape soda.  When I thought it couldn't get any blacker they broke out a propane fryer, put some flower in a food lion bag, put some catfish in the flower, shook it up, and fried up some catfish.  Back to the steak I have to give little Ricky most of the grilling credit he finally found one thing he was good at.  We probably grilled the steak for almost half an hour and we were scared for a little bit that it wouldn't be cooked through but when we cut into it we realized it was some of the best steak we've ever had.  Definitely one of our better Gordoville adventures thanks to everybodies favorite ging0r...

Meme of the Day

Meme of the Day

Meme of the Day

Meme of the Day

Meme of the day

Buffalo Wild Wings Bitchfest

Well let me, Dick the third, start this post out by critiquing the wings at our local Buffalo Wild Wings. The wings themselves were very juicy, but severely lacked on the crisp factor. Usually me and the black gordo tend to prefer crispier wings, because of our black side, and BWW's wings are about a 4 on the crisp scale. In terms of flavors, BWW is pretty limited, but all in all their sauces are pretty satisfactory. In the end I would really only go there if I were in an economic pinch, but when I'm a little broke it's the next best thing to LP.

That being said, I'd like to paint a picture on just what went down last friday when me, young scoot0r, and Virginia GG Mead attended BWW. As we sat down, both of these hood rats ordered water, while I absent mindedly ordered 2 bottles of rozay. As our nice young wait0r came out to take our food order, I, being a man, ordered 50 wings: 10 mild buffalo (for Grace Garland), 10 desert heat, 10 mango habenero, 10 blazin, and 10 hot garlic. All of the afformentioned flav0rs were fairly on point, except for desert heat: a dry rub that doesn't belong on wings. As i calmly downed my lion's share of the wings (26), young scooty managed to force down a mere 12, only 6 more than the hipster did. As I explained to him how much of a bitch he was being for eating 12, he shouted about how he'd just eaten a little bowl of oatmeal and his little tummy was full. Ever since I've been thinking about impeaching him from Gordoville, but I'm giving him a chance to redeem himself next time. And btw, I owe no one 8 dollars.

NEW: Meme of the day coming soon!

With Young Scooty and I's busy schedules and (scooty's) dwindling money, gordoville will probably not be as frequent as we'd like this summer. to counter that we'll have memes up close to everyday. This one is a shoutout to the creepiest (and most homosexual) morrocan terrorist/midget porn star I know: Neil the Seil.

Another gordoville post is coming soon!

Our trip to Wild Wing Cafe

On friday the third of June me and young Dicky decided to go to our local wild wing cafe.  Along with our faithful lackey Virginia Grace Garland Mead we celebrated the last full day of junior year in style.  We decided to go a little crazy celebrating and ordered fries along with our wings.  Me and Dick III shared a 25 wing sampler with an assortment of some of our favorite flavors.  We got 5 hot wings 5 Chernobyl wings 5 Garlic! Garlic! Garlic! wings 5 Wild West wings and 5 Gold Rush wings.  Overall I quit enjoyed the wings we ordered a nice mixture and they were all to the highest standard of cuisine.  My only complaint is the horrible service from our butch waitress who had a crush on Gigi. As we waited for our food we lol'd a couple times at some of the funny names they had for drinks.  While me and Butty started to eat our wings and kill our orders of fries Gigi was so distracted by flirting with the waitress she couldn't even finish her 12.  Before we left I went down to the bathroom and Diana threw a little neck.  After Diana washed her mouth we went upstairs and Diana took young Gig home.  Of course buddy didn't have any money so I had to pay for him and to this day he owes me 8 dollars and Gigi owes me 89 cents.  Because of the horrible service we decided to not leave the waitress a tip but I believe Virginia did leave her number.  Overall it was a pretty good experience at Wild Wings with some great dessert from Diana.

"Blazin' Challenge" at Buffalo Wild Wings

Last Saturday, the 21st I believe, my fellow colleague and I went to Buffalo Wild Wings to attempt the Blazin' Challenge. Upon arrival, the mood was very laid back, and as I greeted our two faithful groupies, I felt feelings of relaxation. As our unusual waiter came to the table, my coleague and I ordered two waters and 12 of the Blazin' wings. The challenge was simple: 12 wings in 6 minutes, no water.

When the first wing hit my mouth, the sauce was basically a joke as far as spicy goes; it actually made my mouth a little cold. Jacob, although he is very skinny, was able to eat all of the wings no problem as well and actually was able to finish 5 seconds before me.

At the end of the day, we both successfully completed the challenge, and paid... Jacob pulled out an excessive amount of  50 dollar bills and even a few c notes...I'm not entirely sure. Also, I might point out that he didn't leave a tip (maybe hinting at how weird our waiter was). Bottom Line: Buffalo Wild Wings you should be ashamed.

Also: as you can see, I'm eating the wings with a sense of determination in my eyes, whilst my colleague to the left is able to easily finish the wings and eat them faster than me even though he didn't have to be too determined.

Wing Night at Lazy Parrot

Today we decided to go to lazy parrot grill for wing night.  We wanted to see who could eat more of their hottest wing "Cancun."  We each got 10 Cancun wings and 10 of another type of wing.  Butty swore that he could eat way more than me and that I would probably only eat one.  When the wings came it became increasingly clear to me that the stupid ginger was all talk.  At the first bite it seemed fine then the heat started to travel down my mouth and into my throat burning my tongue and throat.  Since I am a man I was able to easily hide that it was effecting me while young Dick III began to show obvious signs of fatigue including an extremely runny nose and he began to cry.  He managed to quickly shove 2 1/2 wings down his throat while I calmly ate 3 until he finally shouted "I give Up."  Then as he guzzled down his cup of water and screamed at the waitress for more I calmly sipped my glass of water.  After that I easily ate my other 10 wings while Butty choked down his 10 trying to look big.  As we left I took out my wallet to pay the waitress and buddy emptied his pocket of change to pay completely with change.  This just proved what I already knew that I could take much more heat then young Dicky.

    Buddy Counting his Change

GordoVille Initiation

GordoVille is an ode to all the food lovers, addicts, and enthusiasts out there.
Shoutout to Rick Ross http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LPuzcC1y6yU